Ember (emberidigo) wrote,

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Do you know how hard it is to..

How hard it is to find that Perfect someone? Sure, it's tough. But lately I've been thinking a lot about relationships. I want someone to love and everything, but when I think I've found it, it doesn't work out. I think one of the reasons may be that I don't really know What True Love is. Sometimes I feel that I'm attracted to someone and sometimes we even end up dating, but then I get these feelings that I just don't want  a relationship. It makes me feel kinda trapped. Like, I have to devote all my attention to that ONE PERSON and no one else. Then I feel like the person is too clingy and wants me to call them all the time and I HATE talking on the phone to people like that. I want one of those casual relationships where you can both live your own lives and not worry about stuff all the time. Without worrying about "Oh. Well. Maybe I shouldn't hug this person because I'm dating so-and-so." or things along the line of that. It's a really confusing feeling. I almost wanna meet someone over the internet and try internet dating because I've seen so many furries doing that and theirs usually works out for a REALLY long time. And then they finally get to see each other and they're all happy and stuff. I want to be able to feel that. But at the same time, I feel like that's too far away and I would want someone to hold and love NOW. Like, I could drive and see them or something. I've only been in like, 2 serious relationships. One was with a girl that was way to clingy and jealous about me hanging out with people. And the 2nd was with a girl that really didn't do anything wrong. I just felt like she was letting me influence her life too much. She was even going to stay down here in SC and make her life Hell all over again rather than going back to Maryland! I told her before we started dating "Don't let me be the reason for you to move back down here." And throughout our relationship, I had a feeling I was the person holding her here with her family that she doesn't like, except for her mom and little brothers. And when we broke up, she was talking about how she was thinking about moving back to Maryland. She hates it here. But then she felt the same when she lived in Maryland before, so I really don't know.

Also, it's really hard to be able to find someone that's a furry. I REALLY wanna date another furry, but they're so rare around these parts. The last person I was in a relationship with (The girl from Maryland) didn't really care about furries either way (I don't mean that in a bad way). She thought they were cute and she asked me how FWA went after I got back and everything. I don't think she really understood it all and junk. Haha. But either way, she didn't frown upon it. But the 1st girl would've been like What the hell? And she would've thought of me as a freak. Yadda yadda yadda. Anywho, I just would like someone that also shares the same interests that are a big part of my life and hopefully a big part of theirs too. :)

That's about all I feel to write right now. There's a lot of other stuff in my head, but that's a pretty long entry anyways. I haven't updated in a while and probably need to more often. I wanna write a FWA Con report, but I'm too lazy and procrastinate too much. Haha.
Tags: furries, fwa, love
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