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Ember


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Do you know how hard it is to.. [
March 30th, 2009 � 8:11pm
]
[ mood | blah ]

How hard it is to find that Perfect someone? Sure, it's tough. But lately I've been thinking a lot about relationships. I want someone to love and everything, but when I think I've found it, it doesn't work out. I think one of the reasons may be that I don't really know What True Love is. Sometimes I feel that I'm attracted to someone and sometimes we even end up dating, but then I get these feelings that I just don't want  a relationship. It makes me feel kinda trapped. Like, I have to devote all my attention to that ONE PERSON and no one else. Then I feel like the person is too clingy and wants me to call them all the time and I HATE talking on the phone to people like that. I want one of those casual relationships where you can both live your own lives and not worry about stuff all the time. Without worrying about "Oh. Well. Maybe I shouldn't hug this person because I'm dating so-and-so." or things along the line of that. It's a really confusing feeling. I almost wanna meet someone over the internet and try internet dating because I've seen so many furries doing that and theirs usually works out for a REALLY long time. And then they finally get to see each other and they're all happy and stuff. I want to be able to feel that. But at the same time, I feel like that's too far away and I would want someone to hold and love NOW. Like, I could drive and see them or something. I've only been in like, 2 serious relationships. One was with a girl that was way to clingy and jealous about me hanging out with people. And the 2nd was with a girl that really didn't do anything wrong. I just felt like she was letting me influence her life too much. She was even going to stay down here in SC and make her life Hell all over again rather than going back to Maryland! I told her before we started dating "Don't let me be the reason for you to move back down here." And throughout our relationship, I had a feeling I was the person holding her here with her family that she doesn't like, except for her mom and little brothers. And when we broke up, she was talking about how she was thinking about moving back to Maryland. She hates it here. But then she felt the same when she lived in Maryland before, so I really don't know.

Also, it's really hard to be able to find someone that's a furry. I REALLY wanna date another furry, but they're so rare around these parts. The last person I was in a relationship with (The girl from Maryland) didn't really care about furries either way (I don't mean that in a bad way). She thought they were cute and she asked me how FWA went after I got back and everything. I don't think she really understood it all and junk. Haha. But either way, she didn't frown upon it. But the 1st girl would've been like What the hell? And she would've thought of me as a freak. Yadda yadda yadda. Anywho, I just would like someone that also shares the same interests that are a big part of my life and hopefully a big part of theirs too. :)

That's about all I feel to write right now. There's a lot of other stuff in my head, but that's a pretty long entry anyways. I haven't updated in a while and probably need to more often. I wanna write a FWA Con report, but I'm too lazy and procrastinate too much. Haha.

5 comments reply | edit memory

My life is changing for the better. [
February 10th, 2009 � 12:06am
]
You ever have one of those moments where you just feel like your life is going wrong ALL the time? My life isn't EXACTLY like that, but things don't go my way very often.

This past week, I was accepted into a college. The only downside is it's a technical college, but it's a pretty good one.

I'll be attending Greenville Technical College in Greenville, SC starting this fall semester and I'll be majoring in business management and marketing. That's right, I'm going for a DOUBLE Major!

Before, I really wanted to be a veterinarian more than anything in my life. But, I had to make one of those adult decisions of "Could I? Funds?" You know, all that jazz. Turns out, we don't have enough money. I don't have the grades to get enough scholarships and not entirely sure if I'd have the grades to get into the colleges that offer it! There's no school in SC that you can go to to get an actual degree in Veterinary Services, so that means you'd have to pay out-of-state tuition, and they charge out the wazoo! So, I went with my second choice-Business Management.

No matter what you do in life, someone, somewhere will always need a manager. I'm gonna be that dude. I used to be assistant manager and was pretty good at it, so I think I'll do alright. And the classes are easier! Haha.


Anywho, Recently, I've been giving the whole dating scene another try. Me and this girl, Amanda are now dating. She's in college already. She's majoring in culinary Art! :D YUM.

She's Epileptic and loves animals too. She's moving back down here from Maryland. I've actually secretly liked her for a REALLY Long time and only about a year ago found out she liked me too, but I decided not to date her because of the long distance. So now that she's back down here to stay, we're dating. Yay us! Haha.

Anywho, I've got a Infectious Physiological Disease paper due on Infection Mononucleosis.

Oh. And I almost fell off the top step of a 12 Foot ladder into Rush hour traffic at work Saturday..But I'll talk about that later! :D

This is Amanda (Lol):
http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m230/clemsonfan5549/amandafunny.jpg
1 comments reply | edit memory

Update? Yupp. [
January 16th, 2009 � 8:19pm
]
[ mood | cold ]

Yeah, so here's an update. :]

I had Exams last week and so far, I think I've failed all of them. I got a 52 on my Biology and a 65 on Government. So..Yeah. It's the dumbest thing ever to take exams one week after Winter break. Seriously. That's a one-week study period, cuz let's be serious, no one is gonna study over Winter Break.

I sent in a post to the Furry Weekend Atlanta group about finding someone else to room with me and my friends, and I've had 2 hits on it so far! :D

I hope I get more so I can pick the perfect person so I can have the perfect Con experience at FWA! :D

2 comments reply | edit memory

Voice Post [
December 10th, 2008 � 10:38pm
]
VoicePost
987K 5:08
(no transcription available)
0 comments reply | edit memory

My Adventure with the SAT [
December 9th, 2008 � 5:40pm
]
This past Saturday I took the SAT. It was pretty much horrible. I was there from 6:45 until 2:30 taking it. 2 Bad things happened. I'll talk about them later.

First, I wake up at 5:55 AM to take a shower, because if I don't take a shower, I don't do good on ANYTHING. It's true. Then, I went to McDonalds and got a Southern Style Chicken Biscuit. Afterwards, driving on my way to my testing site, I listened to music that puts me in a good mood, because if you're not in a good mindset, you won't do good at all.

Well, after I arrive, I realize at about 5 minutes before the test starts, I FORGOT MY CALCULATOR. Oh God. You have NO clue how hard it is to do Cosign and Tangent and junk without a calculator. So, yeah. While everyone was double checking their work, I was rushing to even finish.

I think I ended up doing pretty well though.

But the worst thing is this:

You get 400 points for writing your name on the front of the test book. Well, I wrote Nick instead of Nicholas, because that's how I always write my name. Even on my checks and junk. So, because of that, I'll probably have 400 points taken off of my score.

I swear, if I get a 700, I'll punch someone. That would mean because of the name thing, I missed getting the Life Scholarship! D:

So, yeah. And now I take the ACT this Saturday. I'll make sure none of that stuff happens. Lol.
0 comments reply | edit memory

Life Goals. [
December 9th, 2008 � 5:36pm
]
Things I want to do before I die:
Go to College
Become a Veterinarian
Get my degree in Exotic Veterinary
Own a Corvette Zo6
Get a Siberian Husky
Get a German Shepherd
Visit Australia
Visit Alaska
Find that special someone
See Nightwish, Evanescence, and Within Temptation in Concert
0 comments reply | edit memory

Well. [
September 15th, 2008 � 6:54pm
]
[ mood | blah ]

Right now, I'm working on my research paper for English. Ugh.

It's really hard to find magazines or newspaper articles about Veterinarians! EVEN ONLINE! T_T

My Brain Hurts.

I might be quitting my job if I have this job at a local coffee place. It's a 20 cent pay decrease, same distance, and hopefully more hours. Plus, Free Coffee! That's always a plus. Haha.

Oh. And no Manager CONSTANTLY down your back like at Ingles. Damn grocery stores. One of the worst jobs ever! I like things being left up to me and being able to do it all by myself. Not to mention I'm not CONSTANTLY moving and all that jazz. Grocery Stores are hard work. They hired me to be a bagger, but I bag, stock, run a register, help out in the bakery, and the Deli, take Employees home and Dont get paid for it, AND half the time, I don't even bag any Groceries! Not to Mention, I mainly do Janitorial stuff like Trash and Bathrooms. *Shudder*

Oh. and I fill Milk and Block junk. AND get buggies. There's more stuff, but I don't really feel like naming all of it.

Anywho, hopefully I have this new job! :D

0 comments reply | edit memory

Reason For the Last Post [
August 27th, 2008 � 7:44pm
]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Love?

I'm not exactly sure if I've ever been in LOVE, Per Se, but I've had a few crushes. The longest relationship I've had was a few days over a year, but I'm not sure if I ever really LOVED her. I dunno, I'm just looking for the right person. It seems like all the right people are the ones that are taken, or you can't have. I want someone that can take me for who I am. I don't really want anyone super skinny, because skinny people make me sad. Haha. Just kidding, but all the skinny girls around here are SUPER skinny and gross. Haha.

I would love to have a girlfriend that's a furry, but that likely won't happen. =P

I just get really shy and it seems like it's harder to talk to them after we "Officially Start Going Out". And then, the "Love" just dies, and then when you break up, they hate you for some reason. And then come back and are like "I wish we would talk more like we used to." And it's that really awkwardness because of what they had told their friends about you while they were angry.

I would also love someone who would like my crazy and random friends too. =P

So..Yeah. Don't know where any of this came from, just felt like writing it. =P

Oh. And my job still sucks. =[

0 comments reply | edit memory

Love. [
August 27th, 2008 � 7:27pm
]
[ mood | okay ]

"I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment of treasure."

"Don't Want To Miss a Thing." by Aerosmith

"
'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here."

"You And Me." by Lifehouse

"
When I see your smile,
Tears roll down my face.
I can't replace.
And now that I'm stronger, I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven."

"Your Guardian Angel." by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

"That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore."

"Far Away." by Nickelback

"
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you."

"Hanging By A Moment." by Lifehouse

0 comments reply | edit memory

Fuck Part 2. [
August 10th, 2008 � 11:27pm
]
[ mood | Fuck ]

Fuck Ingles
FUCK MY JOB
FUCK JERRY
Fuck Brent
Fuck Jo
Fuck the Deli
FUCK BUGGIES
Fuck Dessie
Fuck Donna (Sometimes)
Fuck School
Fuck Trash
Fuck Mopping
Fuck Produce
Fuck Customers
Fuck People
Fuck Missy
FUCK CORY
FUCK MONEY
Fuck Hurt Fingers
Fuck being Tired
FUCK FUCK FUCK MRS PHILLIPS
Fuck Mrs. Naidu
Fuck my Ex-Girlfriend
Fuck my Ex-Girlfriend's Mom
Fuck Crappy iPod headphone jacks
Fuck My Car
Fuck Furry Weekend Atlanta (I Wanna go SO Bad!)
Fuck Grades
Fuck College
Fuck Vet School
Fuck Stress
Fuck my Mom
Fuck My Sister
Fuck Responsibility
Fuck God (No Offense. That was kinda hard to write)
Fuck other people's opinions
Fuck the Word Fuck
Fuck my Step Brother
Fuck my computer
Fuck Pessimism
Fuck Catherine
Fuck Robotics
Fuck Dean Camen, Damnit
Fuck World of Warcraft
Fuck South Carolina
FUCK AMY WHINEHOUSE
Fuck Yardwork
Fuck being there
Fuck Parking Passes
Fuck Saving Money
Fuck Spending Money
Fuck Restriction
Fuck Bed Time
Fuck Curfue
Fuck Being Single
Fuck Furries
Fuck Work
Fuck Drama
FUCK BOTTLING THIS SHIT IN
Fuck Swearing
Fuck feeling bad about swearing
Fuck ADD and ADHD
Fuck worries
FUCK DOING FUCKING SIGNS DAMNIT FUCK.
SUPER FUCK REDOING SIGNS.


...Fuck. Period.


I'll probably think of others later.

Sorry you had to read that. =3

0 comments reply | edit memory

Fuck Part 1. [
August 10th, 2008 � 11:22pm
]
[ mood | pissed off ]

First off, I'm feeling a little better, thanks to Jalysa (WingedHamHam making me a new ConBadge! =])

And Secondly, to the musical stylings of Parkway Drive and their song "Carrion" and Interstate I-85.


There's nothing like going 70-75 Down the Interstate at Night, weaving in and out of Traffic with this song Blaring into my ears. It was so loud, that when I got home, my ears popped.

I knew I had to drive for a while to calm down. It was driving me crazy, and I just needed to drive. It wasn't a Want, it was a NEED.

0 comments reply | edit memory

Soooo. [
July 31st, 2008 � 7:42pm
]
[ mood | anxious ]

I bought my FIRST ACTUAL COMMISSION Today!

I'm getting a ConBadge Commission from Tarah Rosemoon (The Same person that drew my Default Picture). It's gonna be awesome! I'm excited and can't wait.

I'm also thinking about commissioning a few more people from the Furaffinity Group. =P

FWA is Hopefully a GOOOOOO. Haha.

I'm excited and SUPER Nervous at the same time.

0 comments reply | edit memory

Updatage. [
July 30th, 2008 � 2:06am
]
[ mood | nervous ]

Hmmm. I really should at least TRY to update this thing...Anywho, I'll probably be attending Furry Weekend Atlanta 2009! Woooo. Haha.

It'll be my FIRST Con.

I'm So Nervous! D:

0 comments reply | edit memory

Ok... [
June 13th, 2008 � 2:14pm
]
[ mood | bored ]

Here's my 3rd attempt at Keeping up with a Livejournal. Haha. I haven't used Livejournal since wayyyy back before it was popular. Haha. Anywho, I'll try to update everything as much as I can. 

0 comments reply | edit memory

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